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Birth Ease Bereavement Support 

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Birth & Bereavement Doula Services

As a Stillbirthday Birth & Bereavement Doula (SBD), Rev. Michelle Smith, provides support prior to, during and after birth in any trimester. The average time an SBD doula might spend with a family at birth is approximately 8-10 hours. The SBD doula can also offer postpartum support in at least one to several postpartum visits, SBD doulas are qualified to provide support in situations of fatal diagnosis, carrying to term, and NICU care.

• the physiological process of childbirth

• how childbirth is different and similar in trimesters

• the importance of birth order and how it is impacted by loss

• how to support a mother in labor in any trimester and in any outcome

• how to help a mother build a birth plan, particularly in an expected live birth outcome or carrying to term

• how to provide immediate support when establishing a relationship prior to the birth isn’t possible (such as unexpected pregnancy loss)

• how to preserve the fleeting moments the family has with their miscarried or stillborn baby

• how to incorporate personal wishes, extended family and siblings in the birth experience

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Stillbirthday Chaplains

As a Stillbirthday Chaplain, Rev. Michelle can provide uninterrupted support to families prior to birth, during the birth, the immediate postpartum, and through the farewell planning and celebration. Funeral costs can be enormous. Hiring an SBD Chaplain can save a family thousands of dollars, while equipping the family with the best tools and support for their birth, bereavement, and most personal and authentic farewell experiences.

• SBD Chaplains can speak at pregnancy and infant loss funerals or in other ways may have the humbling honor to speak on behalf of babies and bereaved families.

• SBD Chaplains provide immediate support to families enduring the many complex and often misunderstood dynamics of emotional responses, in out-of-hospital birth. SBD Chaplains are able to help parents to process any feelings they may have, including blame, guilt, denial or shame, in a safe environment.  This allows these feelings to be diffused and processed in a healthy, non-judgemental way.

• SBD Chaplains provide immediate emotional and spiritual support to first responders, midwives, and others involved in any out-of-hospital birth emergency, and to provide immediate spiritual, emotional and physical support to families.

• By providing home or “green” funeral service options, SBD Chaplains allow the families to navigate their grief journey as uninterrupted and as intentionally and as authentically as possible.

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Grief Support and Meditation

Losing a child is one of the most difficult types of grief to bear. It feels as if it defies the laws of nature, and it destroys our hopes and dreams. The necessary grieving for many is a lonely and isolating experience. Having someone with whom you can speak freely about your loss and to be heard and validated is invaluable.  Having a safe place to honor and express these emotions and then releasing the heaviness around them creates a space to transform our grief. I am not certain that we can heal our grief; for that in itself implies that there is something wrong that needs to be fixed. Grief is a heaIthy and natural response to a loss. Our society wants to fix grieving. A grieving person is often referred to as: falling apart, breaking down, going to pieces, etc. As a society, we want to repair it, to fix them. Most people expect someone to move past a loss or a death with 48 hours - 2 weeks of the funeral. As you are aware, this is a completely unfair and unrealistic expectation, especially when the loss involves that of a child.

 

This expectation to move on, to overcome our loss, to get back to normal, to no longer talk about our miscarriage or stillbirth only amplifies our grief. Repressing these intense, raw emotions then create internal conflict, confusion, and painful inertia. Having someone to discuss and process these feelings with is invaluable. Guided meditation and hypnosis session are also available. These modalities are a powerful way to acknowledge and honor our grief, release the heaviness of the swirling emotions, and transform it. This helps us to define and begin the process of creating our new normal. There are many different guided meditations available, yet there are very few for grief, especially for pregnancy and infant loss. Meditation elicits the relaxation response, which is a physical state of deep rest that occurs when a person is profoundly relaxed. This state counteracts the body’s physical and emotional response to stress, allowing it to return to a calm relaxed state. When a person elicits the relaxation response, there is a measurable decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle tension, and stress hormone levels. The relaxation response also causes normal waking brain-wave patterns to shift to predominantly slower patterns and pave the way or the hormonal and immune systems to return to normal. With daily practice, meditation can even lower inflammation in the body. Rev. Michelle has created guided meditations specific to pregnancy and infant loss. She is available for in person sessions in Orlando, Florida or by Skype.

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Support for Pregnancies After A Loss

When someone losses a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss, if and when they are ready to become pregnant again, the emotions can be overwhelming:

 

“Will I lose my baby again?”

“Can I even become pregnant again?”

“I am afraid to bond with my baby during my pregnancy because I don't want to feel that horrible pain again if I lose my child.”

 

The excitement normally surrounding the decision to become pregnant is clouded by the fear of loss. Over the years of working with families I have found that fear can and does impact birth and pregnancy. The heaviness of fear and loss affects a parent’s psyche. This fearfulness seems to be especially intensified when someone experiences recurrent losses, genetic abortions, IVF failure & ART pregnancy loss, or with combined losses such as infertility & pregnancy loss. Stress effects our fertility be causing our bodies produce cortisol which can inhibit the implantation of a fertilized ovum, delay ovulation, and reduce the number and motility of sperm. The Journal of the American Medical Women’s Association reported in 1999 that 42% of women were able to conceive within six months of being taught mind/body relaxation techniques. Additionally, these women were able to effectively decrease their levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Similar studies support these findings. Acknowledging and working through these natural feelings before the birth or ideally before conceiving makes a huge difference.

 

Releasing fear and pain regarding the loss before or during the pregnancy frees the mother to be more present during the pregnancy, the birth, and for her baby she is carrying. One of the couples that I worked with lost one of their twins during their pregnancy. As their childbirth educator during our private class sessions, we were able to discuss their grief of their loss, and take the much needed time to honor their lost baby. Well meaning friends and family were telling them to just focus their pregnancy. We created the space for them to acknowledge their grief, release fears, thank their baby for the time they had had together, and send love to their baby continuing to grow inside of her.  

 

Another of my couples lost their little girl at 20 weeks of pregnancy. In our classes to together we devoted time to acknowledging the natural fears she was experiencing as the birth of her son grew near. We released the heaviness of these understandable, normal feelings, allowing her to feel less anxious and fearful. 

 

Birth doula support for subsequent pregnancies can also be an extremely validating, healing, meaningful, and joyful experience for the family.

to pregnancy and infant loss.